NFL Kickoff, More from the Bungles and NBA Acclimation

The NFL season is underway, the Giants are in the win column and the Redskins still look lost on offense. Plaxico Burress celebrated his new contract by pulling in 10 catches for 130+ yards and Brandon Jacobs rushed for 116 as the Giants rode the Redskins' inept offense to the win.

The game may best be summed up by this clip here when Jacobs introduces LaRon Landry (whom Redskins fans worship for his physical play) to his shoulder.

It wasn't a great game from the Giants. They left a lot of points on the board and Eli wasn't as sharp as he can be, but it's a W against a division foe so I don't think they'll complain too much. The blips that turned three drives from touchdowns to field goals looked to be the sort that will work themselves out over time — false starts, missed assignments, passes falling a step away from receivers. The Redskins on the other hand looked stagnant all night long. The Giants got pressure on QB Jason Campbell early and only allowed Clinton Portis one big run. And when the Redskins had a chance to come back in the fourth quarter (albeit a slim one) they sapped the clock and seldom threw the ball downfield.

A lot of the early season attention has been on Campbell's development at quarterback (despite picking up a different playbook about every year for the last four), but maybe Jim Zorn's development as a head coach should be up there as well. The play calling didn't seem to jive with the Skins' strengths. They threw at Chris Cooley twice, with one of those passes called back for a penalty. They ran the ball, but only to try to set up a pass by Campbell. I get the feeling this is going to be a long year in the District.

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David Stern is smoked that former Kansas stars Mario Chalmers and Darrell Arthur were found with women and marijuana in their room during NBA rookie orientation. Weed, women, sounds like Chalmers and Arthur are adapting to their new surroundings just fine. What will they get for their advanced acclimation? Possible suspensions to start the season.

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The Bengals spent the early part of the offseason refusing to trade Chad Johnson and swearing they were not going to bow to player demands. Then they allow Chad Johnson to wear a jersey featuring the title of his alter ego "Ocho Cinco." Way to hold the line there Bengals.

Italian Trash Talkin'

New mantra for Italian soccer: Sticks and stones (and headbutts from French midfielders) will break our bones, but words will never hurt us ... unless we're Neopolitan soccer fans.

Maybe the folks at UVA knew what they were doing when they banned signs from their sporting events. Italian soccer team Inter Milan was ordered to pay 1,500 euros to a fan who suffered "existential damage" from signs debasing Napoli for its well-documented trash problem. Among the signs: “Ciao cholera sufferers!” and “Neapolitans have tuberculosis.” Zing.

If thin skin can grab some cash for those weak insults, can you imagine the kind of paper schools would have to cough up for signs like the one shown here?

More to come from the NFL opener and the rest of the sporting world tomorrow.

Wait, You Lied? I Love You!

Because a promise is a promise, here are some thoughts on the "Gossip Girl" premiere. If this isn't a sign that I'm desperate for college football, the NFL and the fall TV season I don't know what is.


I know asking for complex characters from a show like "Gossip Girl" is like asking Joey from "Friends" to develop an emotional brooding side, but it still kills me when shows reverse course at the drop of a hat ... or in this case maybe an ascot.


When we left off, Serena and Dan spent the summer in Splitsville while the viewership spent the offseason realizing the break was all wrong. Well, less than an hour of television later and it seems they're back together. So much for the suspense. Adios Playboy Dan and Sulking Serena we hardly knew ye.


Speaking of relationships, the bitchy-but-beautiful Blair is now with the newly introduced Baron of Boredom, who she was completely using to get back at true-love Chuck and placed no value on anything they'd shared together. Ah, but the Baron is so much more. He had cunningly adopted the disguise of a Georgetown student to make sure women would respect him for his personality and not his royal title. So, naturally, after learning Blair had no interest in his personality whatsoever, he drops his game, spills the beans and ... stays with a vengeful, selfish girl who is interested in him solely for his royal title.


For the record, I was onto his game from the start. There are no "eating" clubs at Georgetown. The only thing the Hoyas devour are undersized post-players.


Long story short, I'm not asking for an Emmy-winning script, but they can still do better than tossing aside everything that happened in the season finale and introducing new characters that behave completely contrary to common sense.

Okay, that's enough. Tomorrow maybe I'll attempt to regain my masculinity by talking about the "Prison Break" premiere and the proper etiquette to use when shanking a snitch.

College Ball Begins

The first weekend of college football is over and the seasons' storylines are already developing.

Ron Zook has snagged some of the top recruits for the past few years, angering coaches at larger programs who think something sinister is going on. The talent seems to be there, but something sure was missing — like defense — as the Illini got dismantled by Mizzou. Zook's team looked shellshocked every time the defense took the field. If they don't improve, Illini fans ought to brace for an embarrasing Saturday when Ohio State comes to town Nov. 15.

Chase Daniel has to be the early Heisman favorite. Missouri looks like a title contenter and Daniel looks like a more mobile Ben Roethlisberger. Mizzou ducks at least one of the Big 12's top teams with both No. 4 Oklahoma and No. 14 Texas Tech omitted from their regular season schedules. If the Tigers can claim the Big XII title this year, my money says Daniel strikes the Heisman pose.

The ACC is overrated. Badly so. Clemson, a pre-season BCS Championship contender looked flat out awful losing to Alabama. The Tide isn't even supposed to be a top four team in the SEC. Those are the games national championship teams win. Instead the Tigers tucked their tails. East Carolina isn't a bad team, but if the ACC was a legit football conference, its No. 2 team — Virginia Tech — should have thrashed them instead of losing 27-22. Speaking of thrashed, see USC's transcontinental beat down at Virginia, 52-7. At least Maryland prevailed ... 14-7 over D-I AA school Delaware. Well done, Terps.

Utah is this season's Hawaii. The Utes took down Michigan at the Big House. The biggest hurdle to a BCS bowl? A season-ending showdown with No. 16 BYU. That brings me to my closing segment today ...

Picking Splinters' Premature Projections

Utah will make a BCS bowl. About as likely as: Obama defeating McCain in the presidential election.

No ACC team will compete for the national championship. About as likely as: Obama defeating McCain in a game of one-on-one basketball.

Though they haven't even started their schedule yet, someone will call for Notre Dame Head Coach Charlie Weiss to be fired at some point this year. About as likely as: McCain defeating Obama in a game of "Uncle." To clarify — That's a sure thing, folks.