Homeland Security Threat Level: (Mustard) Yellow

Lives were saved and tragedy was averted in Philadelphia when law enforcement agents and the bomb squad safely detonated a trio of suspicious objects outside the Phillies' ballpark Wednesday night. Of course, it still was a tragedy for connoisseurs of delectable processed meat.

The three objects turned out to be duct-taped hot dogs left outside by the team's mascot, the Philly Phanatic, after filming a promotion in which he fired the dogs out of an air gun. While the crisis was averted, the Phanatic's addition to the terrorist watch list may make his airport "freedom search" a little more painful than usual.

Detroit Villain Millen Chillin', Fired From Hot Seat

The Motor City's masochistic and mystifying marriage with Lions GM Matt Millen finally came to an end when the under performing executive was fired Wednesday. Millen, who famously spent three consecutive high first round draft picks on wide receivers while the team's defense languished, maintained his position through a barrage of criticism and a 31-84 record. At one point, fans actually formed a protest march against him, parading outside the Lions' stadium.

In avoiding the axe for so long, Millen showed survival skills that "Man Vs. Wild" protagonist Bear Grylls (fittingly pictured doing his best lion impersonation) would be proud of, but his magic wore off and now he's circulating his resume. I don't think the list of suitors will be all that long.

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The Red Sox clinched a playoff berth last night and celebrated like it was New Year's Eve. Nothing wrong with that, but Jonathan Papelbon continues to demonstrate that the elevator stops a few floors short of the penthouse when it comes to jubilant moments. Check it out as seen on Comcast Sportsnet New England.

What is it with this dude and celebrations? Oh well, at least it's not as embarrassing as the footage unearthed by teammate Dustin Pedroia.

Clemens Cues Up the Violins

Roger Clemens was apparently "heartbroken" about being left out of the festivities for the final home game at Yankee Stadium, according to a relative. Not only did the Rocket's invite get lost in the mail, he was left out of the video montage of the organization's greatest pitchers.

See kids, the lesson here is this: Don't use drugs, or you'll be left out of video montages.

The report, posted on SI.com, also includes this passage: "Clemens was sitting at home in hurricane-ravaged Texas, in front of a battery-operated television on his living room couch, when the team delivered a final crushing blow to its former star. Clutching wife Debbie's hand on one side and mother-in-law Jan Wild's on the other, Clemens tuned in to his final team's last home game hoping for some recognition for helping win two World Series titles, Wild said."

Kind of odd how on one hand it sounds like he's squatting in a shanty watching the proceedings. I didn't know battery-operated TV to tune could get cable though, since the game and pre-game ceremonies were on ESPN and ESPN2. Sounds like a pretty nifty setup.

A New Kind of Pinstripes & Shea's Swan Song

The NYPD arrested 18 people trying to take home the House the Ruth Built after its final game on Sunday. What the story doesn't mention is what exactly these people were caught with. I can't believe they were frisking every fan on their way out, so presumably these mementos were pretty large. What the heck were the trying to swipe, the bat at the main entrance?

If you'd like to read up on some of the Stadium's lesser-known history that was glossed over during Sunday's broadcast, check out Tom Verducci's article in Sports Illustrated this week. Well-written piece that points out just how important this place really was.

I attended the Mets-Cubs game last night at Shea. Unlike Yankee Stadium, the wrecking ball will be doing the world a favor when Shea comes down. Neon caricatures? A bobbing apple in a top hat? I mean, c'mon. Is this a ballpark or Wally World? (As a side note, Citi Field, the Mets' new home next season, looks spectacular from the outside.)

Of course, if the Mets choke again and don't make the playoffs then there are a bunch of fans that might burn it to the ground before it ever opens. That's looking more likely after the Mets were destroyed on Monday night.

I thought New York Yankees fans were tough. Not only were there about 10,000 empty seats last night, those that did attend turned on starting pitcher Jon Niese in the swing of a bat.

Enthusiastically applauded before the game, he was booed mercilessly as he left the mound after giving up a grand slam to Jason Marquis. Yeah, that's pitcher Jason Marquis. Okay, so maybe Niese deserved it. (Though Marquis did bat .310 in 2005.)

The Mets look bad right now. Real bad. Their bullpen is attrocious and their lineup is streaky, but their real problem seems to be confidence. It's like they're playing every game waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Note to Mets Fans: This is how Red Sox fans lived for 86-years. Enjoy.

The tank is filling up again, and it looks like another postseason is set to be flushed away in Flushing Meadows.

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Is it okay to say that Brett Favre looks completely pedestrian so far? Can I say that the fourth-down float pass for a touchdown against Miami that was "sooooo Brett Favre" was more a product of luck and poor defense than the touch of a Hall of Fame QB? Favre is a legend. I get that. But let's not act like he's King Midas.

When Tom Brady was hurt, it was like someone annointed the Jets the new rulers of the AFC East. Guess they're actually going to have to earn it like everyone else. The Jets have a lot of work to do before they can consider themselves playoff contenders.